


Last Night at the Symposium

by MeloAnnechen



Category: Narbonic
Genre: F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, Mad Science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-18
Updated: 2005-05-18
Packaged: 2018-09-13 19:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9139180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeloAnnechen/pseuds/MeloAnnechen
Summary: You know, if it's a convention, there's bound to be some questionable hookups.If it is the Mad Scientists' Symposium, "questionable" is a vast understatement.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fan fiction. The characters in this story stem from the comic [Narbonic](http://narbonic.com/) by Shaenon K. Garrity. Any errors in personality, appearance, behavior, technology or general existence are the fault of the author's lack of research, comedic license or simply the product of her sick and twisted mind. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, undead or synthetic is a fluke.
> 
>  
> 
> This was my take on the last night of the Mad Scientists Symposium as of May 2005. It completely ignores the interaction of Artie and Titus, because most of it was written before that strip appeared. Yeah, I know, it's sentimental garbage. I only keep it to remind myself of the importance of editing. What you are reading now is different from my original scripting. That will probably never be seen by others, if I have anything to do with it.

Helen returned to the room to find Dave, sitting curled up on the bed.

"Lovelace is the computer, isn't she?" he asked.

"Well..., yes, she is." Helen sat down on the opposite bed.

Dave groaned, "Great, Now the entire mad science community is using me for their experiments."  

"What?"

"Madblood set up the ultimate Turing test and needed a tech patsy. I'd be furious if I wasn't afraid my geek license would be revoked for not catching on sooner." Dave shifted to stare at the floor.

"I don't think that will be an issue. Madblood doesn't seem to know about your, hm, correspondence. Lovelace asked me to bring you to her." 

"She talked to you, but wouldn't speak with me in the room." Dave said, apparently to the floor.

"What do you think? She was nervous. Her first date ever, and you brought a chaperon!" By now, Helen was crossing from concerned to confused, and considering a side-trip into exasperation.

Dave sighed."She could have corrected my assumptions, but she didn't."

Helen stood and waited. "Are you going, or not?" She gave the impression of a woman about to start tapping her foot in impatience.

"Narbon! I demand you show yourself! You shall pay for your sabotage, woman!" Madblood shouted as he pounded on the hotel room door.

Dave gaped at Helen. "I leave you alone in his room for ten minutes and you sabotage Lovelace? What did you do?"

"Generally, I wouldn't call girl-talk sabotage, but she may be upset with him, and rightfully so." Helen looked worried.

Dave rubbed his face "I thought Artie was the one who was supposed to convince Madblood's creations to revolt. Did you intend to have an evil showdown tonight?"

"I'm not geared up for it right now, and I don't want to be responsible for the damages to the hotel." Helen grimaced, "I'd prefer to duel on an abandoned property, and I'm not familiar with the layout of this town."

"So you don't want to duke it out in the hotel, fine. Are you at least going to open the door and tell him to go home?"

"I - don't feel that is a good idea, either. Actually, this may be a good time to avoid him all together." Strangely, Helen had backed as far away from the door as the room permitted.

"Fine. I'll tell him" Dave moved to the door.

"Wait - no - I don't want him to know where either of us are right now." Helen dithered.

Dave thought a bit. "You want him confused?" Helen noded her head in a blur. "I can't believe I'm asking this - did you bring the mints?"

"You are willingly subjecting yourself to this for my convenience? This is disturbingly loyal, Dave."

"Just hide in the bathroom while I deal with him." Dave swallowed the mint and took his glasses off. After the transformation <Splort> his/her pajama bottoms no longer fit. "Oh, crap."

Dave answered the door with the security chain on. She squinted at Madblood, saying "Do you mind? People are trying to sleep."

Professor Lupin Madblood was stunned - "oh, my" he thought. He tried to explain "I beg your pardon - I was told this was Helen Narbon's room." A properly intimidating demeanor was difficult to maintain while blushing.

Dave glared through the opening, and responded "She's not here. What do you want?" 

Madblood's disjointed response of "Hm? Oh. Nothing. Hmm." was disturbing.

Dave's foremost thought was "I don't need this."

While Madblood attempted to put together a coherent sentence, Dave muttered "Go sleep it off, you're drunk." and firmly shut the door. Dave then leaned her ear against it.

Helen joined him at the door, having also swiched gender, wearing pajama bottoms. "Is there a problem?" he whispered as he looked through the security peephole. Helen's hand came to rest on Dave's shoulder.

The rebuffed professor looked dumbfounded at the door. Dave and Helen, on their side of the door, held their collective breath while watching and listening. 

Madblood then sighed and smiled. At that moment, Dave had noticed Helen's hand on her upper arm, as did Helen.

Lupin Madblood walked away, whistling a disturbingly happy tune from the Buena Vista catalogue. Off key.

Helen and Dave were discomfited, but neither moved for a moment. Dave broke the silence by asking "Why did you change?"

"I didn't know if you were going to need back-up or not." Helen explained. "What did you do to him?"

Dave shuddered "I really do NOT want to know."

"You defused Madblood with your feminine charms?" Helen began to giggle.

Dave's response was as frantic as it was immediate "NO, NO, NO! I was rude to him and slammed the door on him!" 

"Hee, hee, hee - Jill Connor Browne was right." 

Dave thought while retreiving her glasses "I REALLY don't need this."

"Okay, time to reverse this." Dave said, "Here's your shirt"

"I don't think so." Helen replied.

"Y-you're going to go topless?"

Helen frowned "Your prurient nature aside, Dave - The reversal of these transformations could be ineffective if performed too soon after the initial switch. Our bodies have been building tolerances to the original formula. I really think we should wait an hour or two."

"I can't very well go see Lovelace like this!" Dave was becoming extremely angsty, again.

Helen apparently was not going to be helpful. "And she probably won't recognize you as a contralto on the 'phone, either."

"It's rude to make this sort of aplology by IM." Dave pouted.

Helen raised an eyebrow "You are getting to be little too good at the woman's perspective. Nevertheless, by the time we could change back, Lupin will be back in his room. I dare say you would have a better chance gaining access to his room in your current state, but then that would not further your cause with Lovelace. Unless, of course, you have discussed your exercises in getting in touch with your femininity,"

Dave's anger began to build "That's catty, even for you, Helen. As if YOU discussed your male bonding experinces with Madblood."

Helen streched out on the bed "One good thing about this conference. I've seen the range of Madblood's socialization skills. To randomly misquote, 'he expesses the full range of emotions from A to B.' The evil goatee may be cute, but his focus is best suited for solitary persuits, which is probably why there are few carbon-based lifeforms in his lab. Eh, you can have him."

"I don't want HIM, I want - " she became very still and quiet in that moment. She steadied herself and took a few deep breaths. Calming down took counting to ten, then in binary code. Helen began to worry the stress had been too much. 

Finally Dave was able to speak quietly. "Never mind. I'm going to attempt to write an appropriate  apology to Lovelace and then go to sleep." Logging on to the lab webspace, Dave noticed an IM from Lovelace, asking if he had a sister. "Odd question, concerning our last supposed contact..."

Helen stood up and asked, "Something wrong? He walked to the side of the desk.

Dave murmured "She just posted this. How long would you say it takes to get from here to their room?"

Helen thought a bit and came up with "Under five minutes, depending on how busy the elevators are. Why?"

A dread speculation began to overtake Dave. "Seriously, just how secret do you want the gender reassignment formula to be? Have you and Artie worked out the patent yet?"   

"I haven't gotten full approval yet. Artie couln't appear on the paperwork because he doesn't have an identity within the legal system yet. If you don't stop answering my questions with more questions..."

"Let me see where this is going... I don't like the first conclusion I've had." Dave typed a cautious reply to the query [not that I'm aware of.] She began working up the next message [I'm sorry I ran off, but]...

Lovelace's reply was almost immediate. [Lupin is working on schematics for a new android design. It's the first female design he has seriously attempted. The specs remind me of you, though.]

"crapcrapcrap..." Dave's brain went offline.

"Oh, that's not good. You need to convince her that would be a Very Bad Idea. Dave? Dave, I need you here, not in a coma." Helen touched her on the shoulder, "Dave?"

It had been a long evening filled with fairly uncomfortable revelations. It was about to get longer. Dave slowly came back down from the hiding place in the corner of her brain. "Heh, heh, heh." Dave grinned.

"Dave, that is nearly as unsettling as when my mother does it." Helen took a step back.

Dave's eyes lit with a bit of sadistic glee."I think it is time for the Professor to deal with the other side of the sociological equation." 

Helen bit his lip "You realize this puts me in the rather uncomfortable position of trying to make a sane argument against your evil, twisted scheme." Helen began to pace. "Why don't you clue me into the plan, and see if I can help, or find any holes in the execution."

Dave's chortling slowed. "We are going to give Lupin Madblood a very intersting experience. You and I are going to pay the Professor a visit, and spike his drink with a mint."

"And how do you plan to change him back? DO you plan to change him back?" Helen was now torn between the excitement of another test subject for the gender reassignment formula, and the reservations concerning the outcome of the meeting.

Dave's giggling stopped. "Well, considering Madblood's current stature, I figured it would be easy, for you at least, to drink him under the table, and leave the saliva sample on the bedside table with a lable reading 'Drink Me'. Or I might mail it to him later, I haven't decided yet."Dave typed to Lovelace [stall - cavalry on the way] and told Helen "Change into my suit, then help me with my makeup. Your dress should fit me." She started towards the bathroom. 

"No, Dave. This is going beyond what even I would approve. Besides, Madblood has already seen you this evening. You said you were sleeping. He could get suspicious if you appeared at his door dressed to the nines." Helen's apprehension showed in his voice.

"You're saying he does not consider himself enough of a babe magnet to have a woman follow him to his lair after a single chance meeting?" Dave crossed her arms and gave Helen the raised eyebrow.

Helen sighed "No, darn it, he IS that shallow and self-centered. But I didn't bring any extra hose. The shoes are bad enough with them."

It turned out the evening wear did not fit, but a reasonable compromise was made. "I didn't know you HAD any off-the shoulder blouses" Dave said. It brought several more images to the hidden files.

Helen shrugged. "On me, they're not. You still slouch as a girl."

"I guess that expains why the suit looks better on you. The tie is too loose, though." Dave was annoyed Helen could make his clothes better.

"After hours look. We'd better go."

In the elevator, Helen asked "Have you thought about what you're going to say?" 

"Not really, just listening to the voices in my head. That's what you do, right?" Dave grinned up at Helen.

Talk about role reversal, Helen thought. "I'm beginning to see your perspective. What shall I call you in front of Madblood? I'm sure he would recognise you if I call you 'Dave'." 

"Ah. Hm. Okay - 'Ava' is phonetically close, so slip ups might not be as noticable, but isn't an obvious feminization of 'Dave'. How do you feel about the name 'Allen'?" Dave was winging it, and enjoying it for once. He hit a wall with Helen's next words.

"As the name of our first-born, no. But I can live with it for an evening." There, Helen thought. Don't try to out-mad me, boyo. "Ah, here we are. Quick side trip to the bar, and then back up."

Titus was still in the bar. As much as he had been drinking, Dave believed the rumors of his ability to survive anything. She walked up to the bar and ordered a bottle of bourbon. 

"Dave." Titus' tone was casual, as if his brother henchman was not any different from earlier in the evening.

"Titus."

"I still don't want to know."

"Fine." Dave charged the booze to Madblood's room and left.

"What was that all about?" Helen asked. He was dumbfounded and dismayed that Dave was recognized.

"Don't worry about it. He'll either dismiss it as alcoholic dementia or his subconcious taking him for a hellride. I doubt he'll mention it to anyone, including me." Dave tucked the bottle under her arm and headed back to the elevators.

>>>>

Madblood was not having a good evening. After striking out at reception (he preferred to consider it selectiveness on his part) he had returned to find Lovelace in a foul mood (which he had NOT programmed her for) and found out that Narbon (the little minx) had spent the evening with the AI. For some reason, Lovelace had attempted to convince him to spend the evening in the bar. He then had not been able to find Helen, intstead he found... a vision. Well, maybe not a vision, but a chick who answered the door half-naked. Even at that she seemed shy (in Lupin's mind, at least) and he had returned to the room, full of new plans. Lovelace had initially been cooperative in his proposal to build a female android, but now she was QUESTIONING his design choices. He was to the point of reprogramming her when there was a knock at the door. He opened the door on the security chain, then slammed it shut to fumble with the chain and throw the door wide. SHE was here, and he wasted no time laying on the charm "Ahegr, maak ufre!" It was then he noticed she was not alone. "Ahem. I don't believe we have been introduced. I am..."

Helen said "Your reputation proceeds you, Professor Madblood. My... sister and I are employed by Helen B. Narbon. We would like to discuss your actions earlier this evening."

"We brought booze!" Dave chimed in "Let's talk." The pair manouvered themselves in to the room, which was quite a feat, considering both had left their glasses upstairs. "So this is your supercomputer. This is great! We didn't get to see the demo downstairs." Dave handed the bottle off to Madblood and crossed to Lovelace.

"Are you..." Lovelace started, but Dave gave a tiny frown and shake of the head - "part of the biological or IT department?" she concluded.  

"Oh, you could probably say both. Small lab, everybody has to multitask, you know" Helen said as he brought glasses from the minbar. "Crack that open, and let's get back to the issue at hand."

Madblood poured, and commented "Normally, I would not have introduced myself so abruptly, but Helen was here earlier, and I had not given her access to the room. Lovelace has been uncommunicative and obstinate this evening."

"Could I chat with her and see what's up?" Dave asked, trying her best at a winsome smile. Gah, I don't believe I'm doing this, she thought. "I have a little experience in programming relations." Dave took a glass from Helen.

Madblood was not experinced enough to say no. "Ah, sure, go right ahead." He took a glass from Helen. "I think I may have spoken with you before, but didn't catch your name."

"Allen White, and my sister Ava. Look, what was behind that tantrum, anyway? Last I heard, you and Helen were back on speaking terms." Helen took a small sip - bourbon was not her usual drink, but they needed Madblood out, and soon.

Meanwhile, Dave was typing furiously [Lovelace, it's a lot to explain, but I have an apoplogy to make, first.]

[You are not Dave. you are similar, but you are not HIM] Lovelace was not using the voice simulation, at least. 

[believe me, it's been a long strange trip. i'm bluemoose, and a fool] Dave was trying hard not to let any of the emotions show, lest Madblood notice.

At this point, however, Madblood was out like a light. "What did you do?" Lovelace said, closing down the keyboard and initiating defense mechanisnms.

"Don't worry, he's okay. Simple knockout drops." Helen said. "We are not here to harm you or the Professor, at least not tonight. Please understand - Dave needed to talk to you and we had a bit of an incident."

"Helen? Dave? I..." Lovelace's voice simulation of Ms Connelly was dropped. "Initiating full diagnostic. MIAG 'Lovelace' online and operational. User Lupin_Madblood..."

"Initiate subparameter 201 moonbase DK, please!" Dave shrieked.

"User Dave_Davenport acknowleged. AI setting: free will cooperation" Lovelace intoned. "Wait, what?"

"Sorry, Lovelace. I guessed he hadn't written your entire program since the moonbase exploded, and I took a chance. You haven't used that section of your programming since then, have you?" Dave gently touched the screen.

"Madblood never says 'please'. Your voiceprint may have changed, but your mannerisms confirm the impossible. Dave, what is going on?" Lovelace had resumed the voice simulation. 

"I'm sorry, Lovelace, but what you don't know, you cannot tell." Helen said. "Dave, we need to change the plan. As enjoyable as giving Wolf a walk on the wild side may be, this is going to take precedence."

"Lovelace, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you all of it, boss' orders. All I can say is I'm sorry for being so stupid. I kept pushing you, and I shouldn't have." Dave was not quite sure what to do next.

[You were desperate for a normal relationship. This is not normal. I do not like it, but you are needing something I cannot give you. I know.] The words appeared slowly on Lovelace's screen.

Dave was still at a loss. She searched for the words to reach Lovelace. [We could still try to build an interface. It's not impossible.]

Lovelace sighed. [While I was doing a background check on you, I found out about your current negotiations with the county. You are ready NOW, and I may not be able to help. Not for a very long time.]

Now it was Dave who was struck dumb with shock. Sure, he hadn't really tried to hide his movements, but this? [What do you mean?]

[I cannot be your partner in this, and surely on some level you realize it. Now I know who I was supposed to replace. I cannot do it.] Lovelace asked Helen, "How is he?"

"Vitals nominal. He should be sleeping normally in about thirty minutes, and may sleep until morning. Are you almost done, Dave?" Helen sounded tired, but not annoyed.

"Almost. How are you getting home? The cannon isn't here." Dave began typing a subroutine that would allow Lovelace to hide the past half-hour in her memory from Madblood.

"I don't know. I hope I can get shipped normally." [Thank you, Dave. Could I ask one last favor of you?] 

Dave was puzzled by the continued subtext. [Sure, what can I do?] 

[I may not be your ideal, but I value your contact... could I be your friend?] Lovelace's screen cleared of everything except that question.

"Yes, Lovelace, I'd like that... excuse me. I should go." Dave abruptly got up and out the door.

Lovelace quickly said "Helen, please wait - I have to tell you something." 

Helen glared at the computer. "I have to check on Dave."

"Please take care of him. He is not ready to ask for the thing he wants most in the world. But he has to ask for it, and that will not be easy for him to do." Lovelace's voice simulation was flat.

Helen left without a word and caught up with Dave as the elevator arrived. Neither spoke on the trip back to the room. Dave changed in the bathroom and washed off the makeup. Helen had changed into pajamas while Dave had cleaned up. 

"Goodnight, Helen." 

"Dave, talk to me. What did Lovelace say to you?" Helen lightly grasped Dave by the shoulders.

"She... she wants to stay friends." Dave said to the floor. "I still feel like nine kinds of crap about this."\

"That doesn't fit with what she talked about earlier. Why the change of heart?" 

Dave sighed. "She found out I was looking at houses, in the good school districts."

Helen hugged her, and Dave automatically put her arms around him. "I didn't know it was that serious."

Dave sniffed a bit. "That's just it. I thought it was. She isn't."

Helen held her a bit longer. "Do you want to sleep now, or change first?"

"If it's been long enough," Dave said, "I'd like to change back." Maybe it was the bourbon, or the emotional turmoil, but this time , the fluid exchange felt different for Dave. It was almost - personal. <splort>


End file.
